Hi Emma,
I think your negative thoughts against him are making things worse, introducing a poison into your system which will only lead to further pain. Like the bible says: “Forgiveness heals”. And the wisdom behind it is that it can set you free and allow you to heal yourself. That is why God says we should try to love our enemy. Only in this way can we free ourself. So if you just love and forgive your ex-husband, and try to be happy for him, perhaps this way you can release yourself from your obsession and be able to live anew.
Hope this helps,
Karel
Hi, I am not really sure how we start the email counselling but I will give you a brief overview of my situation: I separated from a long-term (8 years) relationship after I discovered my partner was cheating whilst working away. I was deeply in love with him and absolutely devastated. He had done this to me previously but before we moved in together so I had forgiven him in the past. I stayed with him for 3 months after I found out last year then decided that I should leave as I would turn bitter, jealous and possessive. 9 months later I am now having doubts about my decision to leave and my ex now has a new partner. I am thinking about him all the time and everything is reminding me of him and things we used to do. I do not want to contact him because he’ll think i’m mad and I know he has moved on. I can’t speak to my friends or family because I think they are sick of the same old story and think I really need to move on. In February I was starting to feel content with my life but when I found out my ex had a girlfriend (who I know) and they have been seeing each other not long after I moved out of the home. I am trying to relieve my anxieties by thinking negative thoughts like “he’ll cheat on her too” or “I hope they don’t last” or “just wait till she realises how much he drinks”. I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t know how to deal with it. For the last 2 months it has taken over my life. I left him in June 2009.
