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I believe as Jesus hung on that cross of horror and excruciating pain, heart broken, bruised and bleeding, He thought to Himself, "Don't you care that I am dying?" How his heart must have been broken over and over again as they ridiculed Him, rejected Him, cursed Him, spat on Him and beat Him beyond recognition. Yes, our precious Saviour endured all of that pain and heartache for you and for me so that we may be saved and live with Him for all eternity.

perhaps you could help me shed some light on this issue, as it has not been so clear in my head in the past. Christians keep talking about this sacrifice, but I don’t think they really comprehend it. From my understanding, Jesus is a physical manifestation of God’s grace. The act of someone laying down their life and or shedding their blood certainly cannot wipe away my own sin. God says in the bible that we are “reconciled to him through the blood of Jesus”. This is a mental decision of God to forgive us our sins, through the sacrifice of Jesus, not that the sacrifice itself somehow cleans us. And I think that this sacrifice serves a dual purpose to show us the way – that it is possible to be human and live a life of full servitude. And it also provides something physical for us, otherwise God just becomes some distant and ethereal object in our minds and we cannot really connect. But if we see the pain, blood and suffering, it sinks into our heads more. It is something we can relate to, or put on our wall, or watch Mel Gibson’s movie.

But then we get into the discussion of just believing in Jesus is good enough, as one line in the bible can be extrapolated – although at the cost of ignoring so many other lines in the bible (including the New Testament). Which eventually brings us back full circle, where we must live an obedient life to God, and to love him with “all our hearts, mind, and soul”, as is the greatest commandment in the Old Testament. So this issue of a balance between grace and obedience has always been a bit unclear in my mind, and I have always felt a bit uncomfortable about someone else’s suffering somehow cleaning me. But just today it occurred to me that I could be like Judas or whoever it was, whose pride would not want to let Jesus wash his own feet, but since Jesus pushed the matter, Judas then demanded his whole body to be washed. Perhaps this would be similar to me feeling uncomfortable about the sacrifice, almost denying it in my heart to a certain degree. Karel


i am desperately in need of god. if at all there is a god i need him now. i am feeling really lonely out here in this world. i don't have anyone understand me. everyday i come home and find no peace. i am happy when i could cry in gods presence like when i go to church. i don't really know who you are but if you can really help me i would be really grateful. please i beg you to pray 4 me.

Perhaps the best way is to pray for Jesus's spirit to enter you and fill your emptiness, and make sure you are not doing anything like drugs and sinning which harms to Spirit's presence in us. Jesus can clean us of sin, but if we keep on sinning it harms the relationship. By trying to live a holy and clean life, it enables the Spirit to live within us stronger, in which case we should be happier because we are more filled with the spirit.

After that fellowship is good if you are feeling lonely. You can hunt penpals down through the internet, or better yet someone local who you can meet and help reinforce your holy life. I am sure you will find someone if you keep looking. You can also pray to God to help you find some people. There is no reason why you should feel alone, especially if you rely on Jesus and God.

Hope you find someone soon! Karel


Well, first of all, there is only one God. There are many "gods", as the bible admits, but only one Sovereign, omniscient one. As there is a unifying theory in physics, so it makes sense to assume that there is a unifying factor in the spiritual world. The bible says that dust shall return to dust, but what is God's shall return to God.

If you or Buddha does not acknowledge this than that would be a fairy tale. Anyone can think up a theory. I never read Buddhism but one day I'd like to. As someone who likes to fast every year, and who is spiritual, I can believe that wise men can go up to the mountains to meditate, fast, become tuned into the spiritual world around us, and come to similar conclusions as the bible. God says in the bible: "So that you could not say you were in a distant valley or mountain top and could not hear my word, I have stamped my law on your forehead and my Word in your heart". So everyone is with conscience and without excuses. So it is very possible that other nations, through meditation etc., could have arrived at similar conclusions.

What concerns fairy tale, the bible is purposefully written in code, as I explained on this page:

Everything makes quite good sense to me. There is only one source of Spirit and Love. But we all do have spirits, as the bible says. So I don't know what Buddhism preaches but if it does not preach about a single unifying God, then it would be a fairy tale. Just because it sounds nice and feels good does not mean its true. Just today I uploaded a page listing all the miracles that happened to me in my life and convinced me there is a God. Who acts, and whose Spirit I unquestionably feel. Does Buddhism have that, or is it just wise words about life, no matter how true they are? I think there is a danger in saying we are reincarnated, because if it's not true, its like saying, "Well, I can screw up in this life, because I can just keep trying over and over again until I get it right." Therefore such an approach could be quite dangerous if it is not true. On the other hand, what happens to babies who die in accidents? That is why I purposely looked for some hints on this in the bible.

Cuz there is nothing in the Bible as Budhism is not any of the Christian fairytales. :-)))

well, not sure if I believe in reincarnation, cause I couldn't find anything to support that in the bible, but believe that perhaps I could have made a bigger difference in this life and the present, if I would have been more vocal about my thoughts.


That's precisely the issue I guess. From what your saying, it seems that Buddhism is a study of life. Like fasting, or tricks how to ride your bicycle quickly. Or do things on the computer. All these things may be true but they don't really have anything to do with God. The bible says that one must "love the truth to find it". If one is not seeking the truth but just happiness and self gratification, then they wont necessarily find the truth (or Truth). And if Buddhism makes no claim about a God, how could they claim they know anything about an afterlife, or reincarnation? God is spiritual, which does not die like a tree. Do they claim there is NO God, or do they just not talk about it? If you claim there is no God, then you also have to claim there is no spirit, in which case it is absurd to claim there is an afterlife or some sort of reincarnation if there is no spirit. Perhaps they perceive the electrical impulses running through our nerves as some sort of aura that stays behind, gets eaten by a worm, which shits it out, feeds the grass, eaten by the cows, and we supposedly become a cow in our next life. A little bit absurd, but really I don't know much about it so don't want to cast judgement. Anyway, I think the most important point is that it shouldn’t be only about pursuit of one's own happiness and selfishness, but about the truth. Because if it is true that there is a God (which a majority of the world believes in, and the God of the Muslims is the same as Christians and Jews), who is a God of justice and therefore there is a judgement day and we will all have to answer for our lives, then any notions out there, no matter how nice and flowery they may sound, which preach that it doesn't really matter, that we can do what we want, and we have lots of chances to fix things, could be very dangerous. Not dangerous to some religious order but for the person who might believe in that, if indeed there really was a judgement etc.

Well, here we come to completely different approaches. There is truly no God in buddhism as buddhism is not a religion of faith like Christiniaty, Islam, Judaism. It is a religion of experience. So, nobody tells you what to believe in, but there are things you can study ... all that work with your mind and then simply practise. All that until your mind (can call it spirit) is free and you reach the status of Buddha ... you actually become Buddha. That is not a God, but state of mind. Of course, those who reach that point are called Buddha, but any one can become that. The results of practising in Buddhism and Christianity are very similar, although not the same. Anyway ... all humans are looking for happiness and its up to them which way suits them the best. :-)


in light of what has happened, I wanted to ask you for your opinion. You seem a fitting person to ask this, considering you were Damon's close friend and because you, most of anyone, has always expressed respect that I've never pushed my religious ideas on others. I'd say the main reason I haven't done that is because I used to be an atheist and always felt hypocritical for doing so. Nevertheless, it is my obligation, and I've wanted to so for a long time. But I've also been gripped with shyness or shame, which I have been struggling with. And possibly, most of all, motivation. I've done a lot of reading about this matter over the past year and I've come to the conclusion that many Christians "push" this issue for the wrong reasons/motivations – for their own sense of righteousness. That if they save so and so many people they will be guaranteed a place in heaven. These are selfish reasons and they don't necessarily even care about the person they are trying to save. I've had arguments with these sorts of people and they feel pretty justified, and it doesn't bother them that their message could even be turning the people off or away and doing more damage than good. In their mind they've done their duty and can walk away with their hands clean. Or perhaps they do it out of fear, of going to hell, and again these are selfish reasons. Where the real and core reason, as the bible says over and over again, should be out of love. Legitimate concern for the well being of the people they are bringing the message to. I somehow feel that if Damon had known my thoughts more, he might have written to me in his time of suffering and need. For me God has always comforted me in some way whenever I've been down, and I can only imagine how dark and hopeless things must seem when someone is suffering and cannot depend on the soothing Spirit to comfort them. Other times I would pray and God would provide some ease. He does occasionally provide ease for people who do not ask him, do not believe in him, or even scoff him, but so much more to those who depend on him, praise him, and pray in all earnestness for a remedy. This only makes sense. Would you have great motivation to help people if they only ridiculed you or hurled insults at your name? Even though God is amazing in his graciousness, my experience with him is that he is also like a person, whose feelings can get hurt, and who responds to me.

Anyway, I'm thinking that this could be a good motivation for me. I've always been very averse to speaking my thoughts about this for the wrong reasons, and with Damon in mind and the fact that perhaps I could have helped him sway away from this decision, I think I will be better able to speak my thoughts in the future. Same with medical attention. I believe you remember that Norwegian fellow who died a few years ago at karaoke after being kicked in the head by some Serb. For treeplanting I took an intensive two week industrial first aid course and I was the first aid attendant for the entire camp. Actually, once on my watch someone had died, but the owner of the company, who flew up from Vancouver and who is a doctor, said I did everything right. I'm pretty sure I could have saved that Norwegian's life, because I know all the procedures what to do in such a situation, and occasionally I read my manual to refresh my knowledge, for I'm sure it could come in handy one day. But when I offered Beckie looked at me like some drunken useless fool and practically pushed me away, saying it is "under control", because some third year medical student was looking after it. But later I was told that that student just stared at the person, and then ran away. There is different knowledge to surgery or whatever that person was learning and first aid. There are specific actions which need to be taken and my mind was not cluttered up with all sorts of other and relating knowledge. With simple CPR I could have kept that guy's lungs and heart pumping oxygen to his brain. It only takes a few minutes without that procedure and a person becomes brain dead. If anything everyone should learn at least this simple procedure, and many lives can be saved. Anyway, I've resolved to never again let someone tell me what to do in such a situation and to be more assertive (which I was told to do, as part of my training). And I think I will do the same for what concerns my beliefs. Because more is at stake than just someone's life on this earth – their soul for all eternity as well.

But since you've always expressed strong revulsion to anything resembling this concept (which I can understand, because I've seen this revulsion mostly from people who have been pounded with the wrong message delivered in the wrong way and with the wrong motivations, most of their childhood), I thought it would be suitable to ask you for your opinion, considering the circumstance.

later dude


The more people thing st. is right ... doesn't mean it necessarily has to be that way. Just look at history. And if the majority is right then flies would be right about what is the best food, right? :-)))) ... this is a kind of buddhist saying.

okay, I'm awake again and I can think more clearly.

What you say is true. I took a logics course in university and this is referred to as "the fallacy of bandwagon reasoning", and I've always held to my convictions regarding the truth and have never been swayed by the opinion of the masses. Actually, conviction is another matter. I believe that conviction always or often comes from God. It is kind of a spiritual thing which burns inside us. For a sense of justice, for example. These things are not explainable for creatures who are composed solely of flesh and biological functions. Love, hate, conscience, a sense of justice and conviction – these things come from God and are not explained in any other way. What concerns my statement that such a large portion of the world believes in the same God, this is one argument I occasionally like to use to prove his existence. Because, if you think about it, if the bible truly was a fairy tale written by the Jews for some big conspiracy reason, why would so many people believe it? Just think about it. If I were to mastermind some religion, to control the masses or whatever reason, I certainly would not place demands on my new disciples to deny all their fleshly passions, and instinctive selfishness, and personal goals, and to sacrifice their bodies, mind and property for the good of other people. Only an insane marketing moron would come up with something like this and think it would sell. No, if the bible was made up by humans, like the pagan religions, they would certainly offer free sex and all sorts of pleasures and rewards for their new conscripts. But the reason that so many people believe in the bible and try to follow it is because God's Spirit is real. It is nourishing and feeds us like water, as the bible says. It is like the sweetest water, and once you taste of it, you can become repulsed by the filth of your previous ways. And also God acts in our lives. So many times I have been driven to the edge of my faith (as God says in the bible that he tests our faith), and just at the moment when I could not take it any more and resolved to abandon God and never depend on him again, he has performed some miracle which has only shamed me with his bountiful graciousness to (at least try to) never give up faith in him again. And I've talked to many believers and they all say the same thing. Their faith in God is fuelled and kept alive by his bountiful grace and by the Spirit of his Love which keeps us going. Otherwise it is absurd to think that so many people would follow this "religion", with such fervor and conviction, if the words were not backed up by anything. God himself says in the bible that if it wasn’t for the replenishing injection of his Spirit in us, we would all fade away and turn away from him. Without this replenishing Spirit and God's action in our lives, none of us would follow such, at times, harsh words preaching condemnation, and sacrifice, and which place very difficult demands running fully contrary to our own instincts and natural desires. No such words, standing on their own, could win ANY following, let alone a majority of the planet. And I speak concerning my own experiences and the same of all those believers who I have talked to, who speak of a loving and nourishing God who has helped them countless times in their lives.

So if Buddhism does not speak about God, I wouldn't even call it a religion, but rather some practical thoughts about life, like Confucism, for example. A philosophy and perspective regarding the world around us. Like someone who wrote a manual on repairing motor bikes. It can all be true, but it has absolutely no authority or anything to do with God. The North American Indians (First Nations People) believed in a Great Spirit, and they would pray to him, and they would have prophets who spoke to him. They revered and respected nature and I believe they may have lived their lives, in communal harmony, in much the same way that God wants us to live our lives. Simple lives of humility, not engulfed in a greedy consumption which is destroying the planet.

Anyway, I can ramble on this subject for ever. It branches out in every direction. Just responding to what you were saying.


hey gal, good to hear from you.

Attached is the stuff I'm reading now. The html file when you unzip it is useful if you want to read the introduction, which explains a bit about his life. But I just skimmed over that. The txt file is what I prepared, erasing the introduction, making it easy to read in Notepad, where I could leave a mark so I know where to continue reading the next time I open the file, and I also search and replaced words to make it more modern English and easier to read.

For other reading you can go to

The first part I think is similar to what I attached, but a lot more critical. You can read my comments what I wrote on that webpage. I found it pretty eye opening and much better than going to some church where the message is rather wattered down and not so moving etc. There are certain ways we miss the Way and reading stuff like this is good. ANd be self critical and analysing etc.

From my perspective, over the last few years that we knew each other you seemed to be getting increasingly insolent and irritable, and falling from the grace, openness and spirituality that I thought you had before and which I much admired in you. You seemed to be getting increasingly recluse and hateful of people. You said you thought it had something to do with clostrophobia and a past life as a Jew in Germany or something, but I feel this is just an excuse. You did not have this problem before and you were very open to people, so I do not believe it has anything to do with a past life, the concept of which the bible does not even support. I believe instead that you became bitter because of the selfishness of the expat community. You embraced them as your family, I guess because you yourself did not have the most loving family. Perhaps you were disappointed with Czechs in general and saw the English community as a replacement family. Which was possible during the magic years of Prague, but slowly the incestuous hideousness of gossip and slander creeped in and turned Prague into a cesspool. I myself grew sick of it and gladly escaped. I left with a lot of poison and it took me a few years to wash that away in the soothing waves of the ocean and the warming sand of the beach. In any case, I think you've taken this more personally than me and the true and good path of spirituality is to be a shining beacon of light in the darkness, where these things do not scathe you but you show yourself as an example to those who are lost in the dark. But my guess is that you became disappointed at the expat community, as it did turn repulsively selfish and uncaring over the years, and drew into your cubicle, with your dog and your reading. Kind of like a grumpy hermit it seemed to me. But spirituality should be like a beacon of light that radiates outward and into the darkness. LIke the bible says, it should not be something that you hide under your bed and treasure for yourself. The bible also speaks about flowing water, and if the vase that is our heart is not overflowing with this love to the people around us, then the water is not flowing at all, and it starts to stagnate. We would not notice that the water starts to taste sour because we are living in it and the change is gradual, but that is what seemed to be happening to you.

Anyway, hope this reading helps you. When I was visiting Prague over Christmas fortunately I had a good time, but I was quite paranoid and only met one person (Scottish Chris) with whom I might have had a brush. The next time if ever that I am in Prague I will speak my mind openly to that person, because I have grown increasingly intolerant of hiding things from one another etc.

The caravan truck is doing well, occasionally I have to invest a little into it, but certainly much less than paying rent in stinky Prague. Recently I got a 3G modem and now I have highspeed internet right on the beach. Don't even have to turn on the engine much and just go for a jog kilometres down the beach to the nearest grocery store. Now I'm on the Greek side of Cyprus trying to get to Greece to help Roger/Bird's Eye reconstruct one of his projects there. The change will be nice.

Hope you have a nice Christmas and that you learn to endure Prague. Or escape somewhere nice like me. Or turn your experience there into something more positive. Still love your red painting on my ceiling. Adds a lovely red colour to the surrounding wood. Byebye baby.

that's cool. is it on the net somewhere? where can i find it? i'd like to read it too. i think it would be also helpful if you could elaborate more on my fall away from spirituality. i found it is difficult to see oneself without being outside of oneself - a true self reflection is a difficult thing to do. are you still in your van, and in what part of the world? may the engine not quit on you and the wheels keep turning. i wish you quiet and peaceful holidays, i am looking for some quiet time myself. wishing you all good things,

doing some reading now that I thought might interest you. Not only is it from an old Scottish writer, but it is some kind of famous dude, whose brothers were all martyred under Christiandome. He goes into detail about the various ways one can fall short of spirituality, and I've read other readings based on it (more in depth, and easier to read because more modern English). I think this could benefit you because I found that, over the years, you seemed to fall away from spirituality, bothered by the patriarchal nature of the bible and other matters. I believe that falling away from such spirituality will be detrimental to your happiness. Your increasing insolence and irritability also hurt our relationship, but that is another matter. I can send you the reading if you like. It has opened up for me dimensions of Christianity, relationship with God and my own flaws that I would have never come to myself, no matter how many billions of times I would have read the bible. Your happiness and salvation are no light matter. Hope things are going well with you. C