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Christ Loves


Failing Marriage


> i think my marrige may be failing

> help

To answer you from a human point of view, communication is always important. You need to know what is bothering your wife and what makes her happy, and likewise. It is also important that both sides have the desire to keep the marriage going and hence a desire to serve one another. If the initial spark has faded, perhaps it would be a good idea to take a mini vacation to renew the initial romance. Or perhaps a walk through the forest on some misty Saturday; time spent together or with the family to rekindle fond memories. If we let ourselves get buried in the worries of life, such as working a few hours extra a day to have that bigger house etc., we often do not see that exactly these worries are strangling the very things that make life beautiful. It is better to be less ambitious and have time to smell the flowers than to let oneself get consumed with the fervour of making material gains. Of course, I do not know your situation and can only take loose guesses.

The bible teaches us how to have a healthy marriage:

EPH 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

EPH 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- [30] for we are members of his body. [31] "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [32] This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

This to me shows an equal and loving relationship. Even though Christ may have had the right and authority to behave otherwise, he always presented himself as humble to all those around him and gave his life to all, including his enemies. Living a Christian life is living a life of learning to serve others. If we serve ourselves, we end up like those who suffer the consequences of living a selfish life.

On the other hand, it may be possible that it is not your fault and that the problem comes from the other end. Perhaps you are doing all that is possible, perhaps you could do more. Serving others is unnatural to our instincts but yields many fruits.

In this I say communication is important. If you do want to serve your wife, that means satisfying her needs, not just giving her something. Take Cain and Abel for example. Cain gave sacrifices to God as well but they were simply not as pleasing to God as Abelís works. You may feel that giving a motorcycle repair kit to your wife is a deep expression of your heart and feelings for her, but if she does not feel that way your efforts have not produced the desired result and you both may end up being frustrated; you because you are hurt that your feelings are not being felt and her because she feels you are not taking into consideration her needs and desires.

Communicate and address the issues and try to focus on serving her.

Another problem is that she may not be a believer, such as:

2CO 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? [15] What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

2CO 6:17 "Therefore come out from them
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
2CO 6:18 "I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty."

2CO 7:1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

If she is not a believer, the concept of serving others may be even more unnatural and foreign and you may find that serving her is leading you away from serving Christ, which will be to your detriment.

Other words on this topic in the bible:

1CO 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. [2] But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. [3] The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4] The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. [6] I say this as a concession, not as a command. [7] I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

1CO 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. [9] But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1CO 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. [11] But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

1CO 7:12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. [13] And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. [14] For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

1CO 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. [16] How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

I hope I have helped you in some way.

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