> i think my marrige may be failing
> help
To answer you from a human point of view, communication is always important.
You need to know what is bothering your wife and what makes her happy, and
likewise. It is also important that both sides have the desire to keep the
marriage going and hence a desire to serve one another. If the initial spark has
faded, perhaps it would be a good idea to take a mini vacation to renew the
initial romance. Or perhaps a walk through the forest on some misty Saturday;
time spent together or with the family to rekindle fond memories. If we let
ourselves get buried in the worries of life, such as working a few hours extra a
day to have that bigger house etc., we often do not see that exactly these
worries are strangling the very things that make life beautiful. It is better to
be less ambitious and have time to smell the flowers than to let oneself get
consumed with the fervour of making material gains. Of course, I do not know
your situation and can only take loose guesses.
The bible teaches us how to have a healthy marriage:
EPH 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
EPH 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For the
husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body,
of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing
with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant
church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
[28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own
body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- [30] for
we are members of his body. [31] "For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [32]
This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33]
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the
wife must respect her husband.
This to me shows an equal and loving relationship. Even though Christ may
have had the right and authority to behave otherwise, he always presented
himself as humble to all those around him and gave his life to all, including
his enemies. Living a Christian life is living a life of learning to serve
others. If we serve ourselves, we end up like those who suffer the consequences
of living a selfish life.
On the other hand, it may be possible that it is not your fault and that the
problem comes from the other end. Perhaps you are doing all that is possible,
perhaps you could do more. Serving others is unnatural to our instincts but
yields many fruits.
In this I say communication is important. If you do want to serve your wife,
that means satisfying her needs, not just giving her something. Take Cain and
Abel for example. Cain gave sacrifices to God as well but they were simply not
as pleasing to God as Abel’s works. You may feel that giving a motorcycle repair
kit to your wife is a deep expression of your heart and feelings for her, but if
she does not feel that way your efforts have not produced the desired result and
you both may end up being frustrated; you because you are hurt that your
feelings are not being felt and her because she feels you are not taking into
consideration her needs and desires.
Communicate and address the issues and try to focus on serving her.
Another problem is that she may not be a believer, such as:
2CO 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do
righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have
with darkness? [15] What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does
a believer have in common with an unbeliever? [16] What agreement is there
between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be
their God, and they will be my people."
2CO 6:17 "Therefore come out from them
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."
2CO 6:18 "I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty."
2CO 7:1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves
from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of
reverence for God.
If she is not a believer, the concept of serving others may be even more
unnatural and foreign and you may find that serving her is leading you away from
serving Christ, which will be to your detriment.
Other words on this topic in the bible:
1CO 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to
marry. [2] But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own
wife, and each woman her own husband. [3] The husband should fulfil his
marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4] The wife's
body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way,
the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. [5] Do
not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you
may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. [6] I say this as a
concession, not as a command. [7] I wish that all men were as I am. But each
man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
1CO 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to
stay unmarried, as I am. [9] But if they cannot control themselves, they
should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1CO 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband. [11] But if she does, she must remain
unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce
his wife.
1CO 7:12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a
wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not
divorce her. [13] And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is
willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. [14] For the unbelieving
husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has
been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would
be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
1CO 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or
woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
[16] How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you
know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
I hope I have helped you in some way.