Dear Alberta government,

I have recently moved to Alberta, where immediately I set forth to acquire a driver's licence. Having passed the test, I proceeded with my daily business (I operate a business) and have started work/traveling throughout this continent. Right now I am in Seattle. I passed the exam (driver's licence), and the permanent licence was sent from Ottawa to my new Calgary address. I hired/bribed people around me to forward the licence to my location, but it seems that often miscommunication, potential incompetence or laziness reigns when I find people to do things for me on such short notice. So, here I am, in Seattle, trying to continue business and manage normal affairs, while my permanent driver's licence has mysteriously disappeared. My temporary driver's licence is soon to expire (29th of January of this year 2004) and I find that this piece of paper is causing a potentially major bottleneck in my entire operations. I phoned the necessary people and was instructed to fax you details of my dire predicament. I am willing to wire money (to you) to have the necessary documents FedExed to me. I can go to a Canadian embassy here in Seattle and prove my identification. I am willing to wire you money to have the necessary documents FedExed to my Calgary address (as I have learnt this is sent from Ottawa, and that it takes 7 to 14 days to get there), and wire money to some people, who I hope will be competent enough to forward Fedex the necessary documents to me. I am willing to fax or Fedex you additional information, if necessary. However, if I have to drive back up to Calgary, and show my face to resolve this, it will seriously cause complications in my business activities. Concerning my business activities, as I mentioned, I just recently moved to Alberta, I don't officially have any registered licence, and am just a normal business man trying to make a buck in this world of bureaucracy. May I mention that small and middle sized businesses contribute to 60% or more of Canadian tax revenues (at least according what I have read). I hope you will be able to help me resolve this matter in an efficient manner, so I may proceed with my business, complete other endless paperwork, and soon begin to contribute to your sacred treasuries. I am attaching my Calgarian tenancy agreement. Since my presence at that address has been rather short, there may be some confusion with who answers the telephone. The telephone number of the flat is: 403-244-6704. I can get you the telephone number of someone else living in the same building to verify something for you, and am currently in the process of trying to acquire that. My telephone number here in Seattle (if you need to contact me) is: 206-788-0546. I am in the process of getting a satellite mobile phone and am in and out of this address (I am staying at some friend's place). My business requires that I am often on the road. I apologise if my tone may seem a little strong, but I cannot believe what I had to go through to get this licence. I got a driver's licence in B.C. about 15 years ago and it did not seem to be a problem at all. Did you realise that your manual (BASIC Licence Driver's Handbook) falls FAR! short of the information required to attain a licence? I am capable of storing information in my brain that I study. But your road tests (apparently monopolised by East Indians – I do not want to appear as a racist, and I can assure you that I am not) have all sorts of additional requirements not expressed in your handbook. I am not a moron, but I had to take four! tests to pass!! Obviously the car I borrowed was insufficient (a vehicle which is legally licenced to drive the streets of Alberta, yet keeps stalling), so I started renting the road test agency's vehicle, and then it became evident that I should HIRE someone at the agency to instruct me (at a charge, of course) of the nuances of getting this piece of paper. After a one hour lecture, and 400$ later!!, I received the licence with shining stars. I apologise for my impatience in this matter, and I hope you can expedite this piece of paper so that I can go about my honest business, and contribute, without further a due and restriction, to your 0h-so-sacred coffers.

Thank you very much,

Karel Kosman

A new Albertan resident