{"id":190,"date":"2012-08-09T03:12:41","date_gmt":"2012-08-09T03:12:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/?p=190"},"modified":"2012-08-09T03:12:41","modified_gmt":"2012-08-09T03:12:41","slug":"raped-as-child-and-finds-it-difficult-to-break-out-of-own-shell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/2012\/08\/09\/raped-as-child-and-finds-it-difficult-to-break-out-of-own-shell\/","title":{"rendered":"Raped as Child and Finds it Difficult to Break Out of Own Shell"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>hey i was raped as a kid this is someone\u00a0else\u00a0letter but its say the way feel &amp; i want some advice on it\u00a0pleases\u00a0help your my last\u00a0attempt\u00a0to save myself .\u00a0I never told a soul. It\u00a0wasn&#8217;t\u00a0that I was afraid of telling, I just remember thinking that every kid experienced that and it was a normal thing. I\u00a0didn&#8217;t\u00a0understand that what happened was wrong and what kid would, if you were raped by a person you trusted. I began having nightmares and experimenting with other kids. Yep, I kissed girls and boys as a kid. So, I guess I would be kind of considered bi-sexual. I never saw anything wrong with it but, I as I grew older I did. I never went as far as sex, and to this day I have a phobia of sex. Back to the nightmares\u2019 topic. These nightmares (not nightmares just flashbacks for me)were actually flashbacks that would be in first-person to then, third-person view. One minute I was an outsider looking in then, to being in the body of the little girl.I would end up sleeping with my parents because of my fear of being alone. ( as a kid i dittoed that) &#8230;.and am very sensitive to noises.As a child, I was a happy go kid before being raped I remember I liked attention and being with people. I\u2019m not that way anymore, I tend to be more of a loner and I don\u2019t like being in crowds, I get panic attacks. I\u2019m also very sensitive to the topic of sex or abuse of any kind. I would rather not hear it because then, I feel that I need to do something about it&#8230;. I would rather not let my mom suffer over the fact she couldn\u2019t protect me. I also know that my mom would go crazy and I am not emotionally ready for that. I want to tell her once I\u2019m 18 . I want to be able to see someone over it without her knowing&#8230;.I really could care less what happens to my rapist but, I know he won\u2019t harm anyone else,(i dont think he would he was just 14 then)&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;I hundred percent believe that I mentally protect myself from things so who I am today is the person that I become to avoid the pain and trauma I felt as a kid.I think that my childhood self is lost inside me and the person I am today protects that side of me&#8230;.. I don\u2019t have a person I tell everything to, I\u2019m a very private person&#8230;.. I don\u2019t like being in public a lot or having to know that I would one day I have to deal with a break-up. I rather avoid that until I find someone who I feel I could trust fully. I just haven\u2019t yet&#8230; I just like being by myself &#8230; It doesn\u2019t help that I\u2019m stubborn and I don\u2019t like help, and I feel sometimes, people will view me as weak over what happened to me. <a href=\"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/wp-stuff\/uploads\/2012\/08\/free-Christian-counseling-Afremov_NATURE_Original_Art_Oi_by_Leonidafremov1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-193\" title=\"free-Christian-counseling-Afremov_NATURE_Original_Art_Oi_by_Leonidafremov\" src=\"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/wp-stuff\/uploads\/2012\/08\/free-Christian-counseling-Afremov_NATURE_Original_Art_Oi_by_Leonidafremov1.jpg\" alt=\"free-Christian-counseling-Afremov_NATURE_Original_Art_Oi_by_Leonidafremov\" width=\"300\" height=\"357\" \/><\/a>It is my only weakness that could be used against me. &#8230;I\u2019m not sure how I should exactly feel about being rape&#8230;it bothers me I haven\u2019t \u00a0told my family yet&#8230;..<\/p>\n<p><em>This reminds me of MKULTRA, experiments of which the CIA claims to have stopped but which entail the use of drugs and trauma, including sexual, on young children. When faced with that a person, especially a young one, starts creating other personalities as a means to separate themselves from what is happening. At a certain point, when total separation is achieved, then they can start programming the subconscious and in this way create assassins and spies who can be triggered by certain words or visuals to perform their duty, while they are unconscious of what they are doing. So the other personality thing makes sense and I would speculate that talking about it with someone, being more aware of it yourself, coming to closer grips with it and facing it, and perhaps hypnosis or <a href=\"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/2013\/10\/13\/what-is-meditation\/\">meditation<\/a> could help unravel the knots your mind created deep inside as a protective mechanism. I&#8217;ve also had good experience with <a href=\"http:\/\/crystalhealingkohphangan.com\/information-about-crystal-healing.html\">crystal healing<\/a> where she unraveled my chakras, as that too can get wrapped up in knots. She opened them up and I&#8217;m much more relaxed now as a person.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>hey i was raped as a kid this is someone\u00a0else\u00a0letter but its say the way feel &amp; i want some advice on it\u00a0pleases\u00a0help your my last\u00a0attempt\u00a0to save myself .\u00a0I never told a soul. It\u00a0wasn&#8217;t\u00a0that I was afraid of telling, I just remember thinking that every kid experienced that and it was a normal thing. I\u00a0didn&#8217;t\u00a0understand &#8230; <a title=\"Raped as Child and Finds it Difficult to Break Out of Own Shell\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/2012\/08\/09\/raped-as-child-and-finds-it-difficult-to-break-out-of-own-shell\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Raped as Child and Finds it Difficult to Break Out of Own Shell\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":248,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-counseling-topics"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Raped as Child and Finds it Difficult to Break Out of Own Shell - Christ Loves<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/001yourtranslationservice.com\/Christ-loves-WP\/2012\/08\/09\/raped-as-child-and-finds-it-difficult-to-break-out-of-own-shell\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Raped as Child and Finds it Difficult to Break Out of Own Shell - Christ Loves\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"hey i was raped as a kid this is someone\u00a0else\u00a0letter but its say the way feel &amp; i want some advice on it\u00a0pleases\u00a0help your my last\u00a0attempt\u00a0to save myself .\u00a0I never told a soul. 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